Accepting the treatment

Well I had a wonderful visit last night from one of our earthbound angels.  A man named Tom.

He came over and talked me through how to just accept the treatment.  He showed me how to look at the medicine as healing medicine and finding a way into it that will help me guide it to where it needs to do it’s work.  I have had some trouble seeing this  as a good healing thing.  The drug descriptions, the side effects both long term and short are daunting.  I have to trust that Ruby’s body will take the treatment and will come out ok.  (I should say that I’m the mum just in case I didn’t make that clear.)  Also to heal Ruby, I don’t need to give her my energy.  I just need to trust her.   So there you have my daily learning in a nutshell.  I’ve got lots to learn here and most of it is about acceptance, love and just trusting the process.  The outcome is in no way in my hands.

When our pal Alison came over today for her visit, Ruby kicked me out of the room and they played out some anxiety Ruby had about things.  It’s such a gift to have someone like Ali here who cooks wicked soups and plays the same game over and over for hours with Ruby and never gets bored.  She’s Ruby’s play therapist right now.  What a funny turnaround.  A wee bit of history there is Ali and I used to be really close, she’s the one that I can crack up with my crazytalk and visaversa.  Then move after move and life change after life change and we lost track.  When we arrived on the medivac and got to the hospital, there she was!  A mutual friend – a dear one had called her and she didn’t hesitate.  There she was, waiting in the hallway for us to arrive.  So magical Ali is back in our lives and I feel so so so lucky. I just love the crap out of that chick.

Meanwhile back on food planet, Ruby had a whole 3 corn puffs (the healthy kind) and three sips of water and she negotiated me down to 7 big gulps of the juice I made her from my new Hurom juicer.  I snuck a carrot into it and she didn’t even notice.  Tomorrow I’ll make it with some avocado but LOTS of strawberries, maybe she won’t notice.  I LOVE this juicer.   The only other thing she will occasionally eat is Ali’s chicken soup.  So hopefully I can get some of that into her tonight.  She’s a complete night owl (well tonight and for the next two we are up peeing every 2 hours) so maybe I can sneak some in.  Fortunately she didn’t like the tomato cream soup so I got to eat that for supper.  It was amazing.

I also cleaned the parent fridge of really scary food that had been in there up to a year ago. Yoiks.  Man I remember when Hospitals used to be really really clean.  Not so much any more.

Today is our wedding anniversary.  I didn’t even remember (well that’s nothing new actually) until my mom reminded me (which is actually what happens every year).  Fortunately I’d prepared the last time we were in the hospital and I wrote a poem.  If Brian feels ok with it I’ll post it here.  It’s my tribute to the fire/water thing we have going on.  Wait.  Firewater.  Hmm…that sounds good.  Speaking of good, someone dropped off some salted caramel sorbet.  What the hell, where has this BEEN all my life??  Amazing stuff.   Well it’s time to harass the kid to eat something.   Gently of course.  And possibly with a good joke.

Her favorite is the one she made up for Matthew out east yesterday.

What does 9 like to drink?


Here’s a little pic from the summer:

Rotary Beach 2



3 thoughts on “Accepting the treatment

  1. I’m so glad that you have a dear old friend who is physically there with/for you and Ruby and that you haven’t lost your good humor.
    On another note, thank you for reminding Dieter and me of our own wedding anniversary which, same as yours and Brian’s, is today! As usual, we would have clear forgotten all about it.
    Hugs for you and Ruby,

  2. I just read the entire blog from start to finish and I my heart is so full for you- thank you for sharing so much of your journey- your loneliness and terror, your hope and strength. I wish I could show Ruby my bald head which i have now sported for years- and perhaps share a tune with you. I feel the power of your mother’s love, and how we are all drawn into the mystery of what can be accomplished by family and friends, deep poetic breathes, and the sweetness of survival after moving through utter despair. The angels are in the room, the only way out is through, and we have stars above our beds. Beautiful thoughts. Joyous days ahead.

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