Just a quick update. Vincristine today. I completely forgot.  Also, a visit that didn’t work out and through Ruby’s disappointment a wall of sad broke free and washed over her. Waves of sad, deep sad.  I just sat with her and then the day got a bit better and we watched a funny movie and waited out the day, Dad came with Holling and we had a bit of time with each other, did a laundry exchange and they left.  She’s restless tonight, can’t sleep, uncomfortable and off.  We’ve tried it all and I think she’s just not feeling the greatest.

Sometimes I think I should just leave well enough alone but it’s hard not to be hyper alert in here watching for reactions (she’s had 2 in the last 24 hours) and hives (same again) and anything the nurses need to know.  It gets a bit ridiculous when I’m unsure if it’s something they need to know or if her scratching randomly at her leg and it’s just that.  Scratching an itchy leg.  *sigh*

Well I’m off to finish watching “about a boy” on my night watch and then it’s off to bed for a few hours.   

I have to say I really need to stop looking up these drug descriptions and side effects.  It does me no favors.  It is what they hand to you as if you have some sort of choice or input on what they do or do not give for treatment, as if you’ve been informed of the risks and have somehow agreed to them.  

Righteo, on that complex sad happy sad note, I’m off to lay in bed and visualize the grand Hoover of the universe, removing all the nasty stuff out of her body and leaving only beautiful healthy cells and light.  

night night bright light, clicky pumps and restless child, humming mini fridge, ringing bells from every room, laughing nurses and cheery salutes. Snow stopped.