The Junction between heart and soul

So here we are!  I know you are probably chomping at the bit to hug the crap out of us and thank you for holding back.  It’s been a funny trip so far.  I’m typing this from Lovely Andy Hall’s (that is his new title).  This man has graciously babysat our house, our water tank, our mail and been our touchstone in the north.  What a lovely man.

Anyway, that’s not what I intended to write.  I wanted to address the whole illness thing.   Ruby doesn’t have much of an immune system.  So on the flight here a guy walking down the aisle of the plane towards the barn bathroom (ahhhh….the hierarchy of Air Canada flights)  hit the deck in a very heavy faint while slurring “I’m not feelin so gooooooood”.  Then he proceeded to tell the boys directly in front of us (about where his head was lying down) about his horrible flu that had attacked him from all angles.  I sat there thinking “what the hell?  Is this your sense of humour, universe???”.    Fortunately Ruby and I and one Japanese lady were wearing masks but I tell ya, I didn’t let her touch a seat on the way out.  I’ve never been so paranoid about germs before.  It’s exhausting.  For both our kids.  I think I say “take your fingers out of your nose and mouth” about 10000 times a day.

Here we are back home and it’s surreal and weirdly normal.  Part of that normal is the midnight snack/wakeup call by the boy and Ruby telling me that she wants to sleep ALONE for once in her room.  She’s a very independent little creature.  I’m guessing it’s entirely possible that she’s somewhat like me.  When I’m sick or dealing with heavy berries I need to be left alone to bull through it.  In the hospital we are attached to one another all the time and I’m sure it wears on her as much as me.

I had to tell you a bit about how my life was before kids.  I had them late.  Ruby came along when I was 37 and I had some serious naiveties (is that a word?) about kids.  See I thought they were really boring, dirty and naughty.  I thought that my party nights left my days really difficult to weather.   I would go for brunch with “those friends with kids” feeling like utter crap and thinking how there was no way I’d sign on to the baby train.  It just seemed sooooooo unrewarding.  I figured I didn’t want to be woken up in the morning with sticky hands.

Well, I guess I got the sticky hands part right.  But the arrival time is off by a couple of hours.  Try 3 am.  And how the heck does he have sticky hands?  From WHAT exactly at 3 am??  And what was I thinking about – tough mornings?  After a night of partying?  Wow, ok my life was nothing compared to this.  How bout so little sleep you are in a continual state of the resigned smile and attempts at moments of zen during the day that are either mini strokes or mini naps.

But I wouldn’t trade the complexity and upside down’dness of this life for any other.  Despite our trials and struggles and dangers and bizarreness. this family is amazingly fun.  From the 3 am wake ups to the times Ruby has turned to me in the hospital in her lowest hours and smiles faintly and says to me “mom, I think the angels are in the room.”  I have learned more from letting love in my life than 100 degrees at uni would have ever given me.

I probably won’t post again for a while.  If you want to get in touch with us, ring my cell but we don’t have the internet at home so I won’t be responding in a timely manner via email/posts.  Thanks for giving us our space and remembering that any illness could send us back to Vancouver in a hurry.  We love you and appreciate all the work and time you’ve done to make our lives wonderful.  And Laundry Lady, you know who you are, you are simply simply incredibly kind.  Thank you.

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7 thoughts on “The Junction between heart and soul

  1. Enjoy and take in the clean, very much clean air at HJ. There are many people thinking of you all and wishing and praying for a miracle – with all of us wishing it – you will hopefully get it. Positive thinking !!!

    love and hugs

  2. Hi Roooooby! Hi Blix! Hello Brian & little Holling
    Well, it’s been almost 10 days now since you arrived home. What’s it like to see the snow again? Feel the cold? Sleep in your own bed? Eat your mum’s real food? I bet it’s all very overwhelming and a big comfort at the same time. I am thinking of you everyday -believe it.
    have to share with you my morning giggle:
    Since Cyclone Evan passed through in Dec’12 I subscribed to the daily Fiji Meterology weather report/forecast for the day. This mornings reprt was precious:
    “Fri21Feb- Njoy the erly mornin hours as temps n humidity rise thru the middl of the day. Gud news is it cant get much hottr. Bad news is it wont get any coolr anytime soon eithr. Aftnoon thundry shwr or2 l8r in the day wil bring a coolin rainbath 2the luky few.”
    I wrote it exactly how I get it! funny!
    We’ve been getting pretty ucky lately in the water… we’ve been seeing white spotted eagle rays! They are such beautiful creatures in the water 🙂
    I certified a 12 year old yesterday. She is a wee little thing like you – but buy does she have a strength to kick through that water. A real pleasure to see her eyes get bigger & bigger as I pointed out different creatures to her.
    I got my 3yr work permit and I don’t think I will be coming to Canada anytime soon, but this means I am expecting you to come here :))))
    Love you xxx
    Ursula

  3. Hi rubes it’s Ellie I think of you almost every minute.At school I think of you , at home I think of you ,when I am at my grandmas house I think of you and even when I am doing my homework I think of you .Before my dad told me that you had cancer( 2 days ago) I was thinking of you a lot about you and I remember thinking ” is Ruby trying to say something to me ?” And now I know it was that. That you had cancer. But don’t worry because I am always by your side sending you good thoughts. And I will always remember what you said before I flew back to Edmonton from Whitehorse and that was whenever you look at the moon I am always looking at the exact same one. I miss you SO SO SO much and I hope you get better soon! Bye

  4. Hi again rubes I miss you even more and I can’t sleep at night because I am always thinking of you! I am. I am very happy you are feeling better and hopefully I don’t think of you as much so I can actually focus in math class!! Miss you lots and get well. Bye bye!!!!😄

    • Hey Ellie, if you want to email Ruby I’m going to set up her own email address. I’ll text your dad so he can give it to you ok? 🙂 She LOVED your messages and was sooooo happy to hear from you. “Jumping up and down, grin reaaaaallllly big and shout Hurray”.

      • Hi AGIN I am so happy to hear that ruby was happy to hear from me. I am at a friends birthday party and every day I check this blog to make sure ruby is getting better and better!! But today I didn’t have time to check it. So she very kindly let me borrow her iPad to check it out. Once I saw that you posted I was sooooo happy. So I am typing this from my friends iPad . Talk to you guys later!! Toodles!

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