Confessions and gratitude *freakflag flying alert*

Hello you interconnected web of loveliness!  I just want to share something really special with you.   You know how you have something happen in your life and put out the universal call of help and then suddenly this person you haven’t spoken to in 4 years shows up with a door to a whole new world?  Well that happened to me with my friend Alison. (Standing right there with my parents who beat us to the hospital by 4 hours…equally amazing :)).

Alison held the door open to a whole world of healing energy work and enlightenment that I couldn’t have accepted as completely as I could in this wide open searching state.  Then this village we live in opened their hearts and rounded up a bunch of monetary flow that allowed us to all stay together throughout this crazy ride.  Flow.  So the flow keeps going to Starbucks but that’s a different story.  That’s more about staying awake 20 hours a day for the last 5 days to get to a point where I don’t want to hide the magical side of this journey from you.  Shield’s down, I’m transporting you aboard for a confession of spirit. 

I’m wary of sharing this sort of stuff because well, some of us aren’t ready for these conversations.  They might seem a little wack but when you are in these situations, wack stuff happens.  Magic happens and our capacity to accept it as real exponentially increases.  Or logarithmically – you math heads can correct me.

So there is a wolf hide under my bed in here and I can “see” it when it’s actively pacing the room, it lies in front of the door.  Strangely enough, not too many people are coming in.  Exactly as we need it right now.  This wolf hide is part of Tom, our healer from here who works with First Nations spirituality and has taught me to “see” differently and more completely.  This beautiful wolf hide came as a donation from a wonderful person up north in that little village we love and was intended as a gift to Tom. When he opened it, that was clearly true.  It is a very very powerful gift.  Thank you.  And thank you Tom for letting the wolf keep the threshold clear of …whatever it is that’s not supposed to come in.

The other day, about a week ago, I had a dream about medicine wheels and making one – a HUGE one for Ruby.  Now this comes on the heels of working with Laura to ask my ancestors for guidance and support. This means to accept all of my ancestors as supportive energy and not to reject any part of it.  I have been actively working on that on all sides of my family line and for some reason the side that connects the clearest is probably the thinnest side of my family tree.  It occurred to me when I woke up from that dream that we work with the spirits, energy and strength of place more than anything.  If I was in Scotland, perhaps I’d be calling on Celtic spirits.  Here it’s definitely animal and First Nations spirits who are present.  That’s not to discount the support and guidance I sense from all of our ancestors but it’s the one that seems to root me the most.  So I’ll go with it.  Thank you Laura and thank you Wendy for keeping me from over analyzing this and just hearing/seeing/feeling my way through.

Anyway, back to the medicine wheel.  That’s the background.  So I found this website after much searching that just resonated with me.  It gave me such a vibrational buzz.  Here:  I was reading through it that night and tried to work out something personal to support Ruby.  I thought maybe just thanking the owner of the site and letting her know our situation, my dream and ask for any pointers would be a good idea.  So I did.  Well the funny thing is, it turns out she’s not too far from here.  She emailed me back right away with not only pointers but a plan and very clear instructions as well as info on medicine bags which I hadn’t even considered.  Some of the advice was also for me.  She was loving and kind and so helpful.  I’ll get on the plan when we get out of here, can’t have willow in the room – they’ll make me take it down due to the “fungus” fear in here.  I will draw it out with animals and hang that up while we are in here. But that’s not the best part.  Typical me, I thought I HAD emailed her a thank you but every day seems like the same day in here and I forgot.  I emailed her a heartfelt thanks and an update last night.  Shannon emailed me right back with news of a song that came to her for Ruby.  Just like that.  Last night.  Thank you Shannon Thunderbird. You are surprising and wonderful.

Wow.  Life is just simply so amazingly flowy and precious.  No matter what happens, I finally feel like I’m not longer a bit nutty, that there is room for my nuttiness in this world and that to connect with what works is all that is important here.  I feel like a new person, a better person, at the very least a better mom for Ruby. 

So enough about me, the Ruby update at present is BP holding but low, another platelet transfusion, probably bloods tomorrow, she’s weakened and tired and not eating due to mouth sores.  I’ve tried almost any food you can imagine but her fear is bigger than her hunger right now so I’m not winning the battle today.  I just keep juicing her line every hour or hour and a half.  I’ll have to do so all night again tonight because of the platelet transfusion.  Don’t want to confuse anyone if she reacts to it again by compounding the mystery with a feed in her nasal tube at the same time.  So this means I lose 2 hours of feeding.  *sigh*.  I try not to freak out about it now.  I just trust that I will have little naps all night and have these crazy dreams like last night where I was again trying to find an apartment in my old eastern city and kept ending up with 1 1/2’s instead of a 4 1/2.  Couldn’t fit everyone in.  Especially when I was expected to park my car in there too.  Thanks to Brian’s picking me up a wonderful camp cot, I’m super cosy at night and instead of trying to find a spot to sleep on exposed and uneven springs, I have a wonderful nest.  I guess that’s my thanks for the day.  I even scored a hug from Amber today!  She’s another mom in here I truly dig.  It’s nice to find a kindred spirit in these hollow halls.


3 thoughts on “Confessions and gratitude *freakflag flying alert*

  1. Dear yvonne, if you are a wee bit wacky, I say wacky is wonderful!! And I’m glad that I thought to check your blog before going to sleep again tonight. You know that We think about you every day – and are sending our thoughts and prayers up to the universe… Xo

  2. we out here think of you all every day . positive thoughts and prayers every day and night. you do what you need to do to get through this and yes the First Nations have so many wonderful traditions most of which many do not understand but that doesn’t mean they are right. You are an amazing person and mother and you will get your family through this

  3. No wackier than the rest of us!
    My very own Salix (willow in latin) is fungal free! She sends her wishes for the medicine bag.

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