I know.  I am the girl who has about 25 diaries in a box under the house that I should just burn because each of them are about 3 pages long and then I forget to write in one again.  I get writer’s block.  Well now I have communication block.  Full stop.  I find I can have a conversation that lasts about 20 minutes – nothing intense mind you, just general whinging, – and then I’m out.  I might as well be unconscious.  So me not writing….don’t take it personally.  I’m just completely brainless at the moment.  Could have something to do with being hit in the head with a paint can but I’m just betting on stress.

So the first and most important thing on this list is the scan.  It came back the same as the last which is clear of any tumor sites in Ruby’s brain or spine.  Oh Joy!  I didn’t realize that we were all sniping at each other (3. To make malicious, underhand remarks or attacks.) for a week before Ruby and I flew south for the scan.  I’m sure you can imagine, I read many parent’s blogs about kids with illnesses …the lead up to a test is hardly bearable. 

By the way I was told this wasn’t at all that meaning, that it was in fact the bird that flew up and almost landed on Charlie today when we went fishing.   Snipe or snipes a. Any of various long-billed shore birds of the genus Gallinago or Capella, related to the woodcocks and sandpipers, especially the common, widely distributed species G. gallinago or C. gallinago.

Clear clear clear of tumour sites.  We are overjoyed and yet….it’s a calm thing.  The funniest part of that day was when we went to our second home in Van with Alison and Darren, Ruby was more excited to tell them she had no cavities from her visit to her Edmonton dentist than the scan results.  I think she knew it would be ok and so, it got her a couple new dolphin stuffies (we will be building a new house to house all these creatures).   Hmm.  I just thought of something funny.  You can run through our house and always have a soft place to fall.  That one is for Ursula who can come to our house any ole time and fall on the stuffies. 

Today we took the kids fishing.  Most people think that’s for an hour. HA!  Our kids are tough or at least only get bored until we catch fish.  So we had them out on the boat from 12 – 8 today.  YA!  But, well there was a small tragedy.  While Ruby received a new fishing rod to replace her new one that broke on the last trip (oops mom), Holling was given the Barbie rod by his big sister.  It was a rite of passage for sure.   So imagine if you will a very excited 4 year old.  A very bored 8 year old.  A mom who is only focused on fishing for a fish dinner and a dad who is trying to control a wild terrier and a motor.  Throw into this mix the moment Holling loses his grip and the pink super-rod sinks to the bottom of the lake.  Slowly and with an emphasis on immediate and rampant sobbing on the parts of both little ones.  Holling sobbing “I’m so so so sorry Ruby, I feel horrible, I’m so so so very sorry”, Ruby sobbing “I will never see the Barbie rod again!  Why didn’t you take pictures of it before Mom!  We don’t even have a picture of it and I’ll never see it AGAIN, this is Horrible, I don’t want a new one I don’t want anythingIwanttogetoffthisboatandnevercometothislakeagainihatefishingIamsosoverysadIdon’twantanewonewhydoeseverythinghavetochange.”

Ah, there’s the crux of it, isn’t it.  

Why does everything have to change.  

I say that as a statement because it was more a statement than a question.  We had a good long talk and we talked about growing up and riding horses, how that is a change and a good one, and how all things change all the time, seasons, time, weather, little brothers, big sisters, life in all forms.  

But she is saying how we all feel.  Why.  Why does everything have to change.  

And then just as we were winding up to catch a third jackfish, I dropped the fishing net into the water and down it went.  Along with any further catches.  There was no way we could reasonably boat a fish off a line with Charlie and two kids in a little inflatable.  We packed it in and took a “go faster Daddy” boat ride back to the launch, loaded up our 20 lbs of rocks, driftwood and fish and atv’d down the road to the truck.  We saw a “buffalorabbit” and possibly a “buffalosquirrel” but we weren’t convinced it had horns. 

Home we are.  Home.  With the mountains at our right side and the valley at our left, facing towards the sun that apparently never sets.  (I discovered tonight surfing what time Holling will get up) 

http://www.wunderground.com/weather-forecast/Yukon_Territory/Haines_Junction.html?

Wow huh.  Sun does not rise, sun does not rise.  And yet there it is, every day.  Now THERE is a temporary constant that Ruby can hang on to.  Ok, time for sleep, I’m addled and confused.  Look at me.  I’m saying it never sets but in reality it never rises.  Cat in box, cat out of box.  

Much love,

Ruby’s mom.